Misunderstood
You asked, are you really a bad person?
No. You're not a bitch either, if that is what you're thinking.
You are, though, one of the most misunderstood people I know. You are one of the sweetest people I know, willing to do a lot for friends as I have seen you do before at IUB and here. At the same time, you have this hard exterior which makes you as approachable as the Great Firewall Of China, to those who do not know you well. In other words, you are very much like creme brulee: hard outside and soft inside. That is a description which people who do know you somewhat, from back in Germany (our host mothers), would probably agree.
I know, it sounds like flattery. But flattery implies trying to flatter in order to gain something in return: I'm not expecting to gain anything at all.
I'm sorry I told you all the things I told you tonight. As you said, you were already feeling down and out. For me to say all those things just added to your misery, and made you clam up. It was cruel of me. It was petty. It was also completely wrong.
I said all those unspeakable things, for which you probably will not give me a second-chance to remedy and to make up.
I blame myself, my idiocy, the moment of madness that made me say those things because it seemed like the right thing to do at that time.
I blame myself for passing judgement on you, and thus spoiling an evening which I had originally intended as an evening for you to enjoy yourself, to relax, to forget.
When you finally read this, I don't know if you will ever forgive me, or if you are now too scarred. If, like last week, you decide not to communicate with me, I understand.
I can only hope that you will forgive me some day, and allow me to make up for it somehow. And also that you can forgive my friends, who, in all likelihood, told me those things they said in order to help me let go of you last week. Friends say things to friends which are meant to console, which means there is always a particular slant and bias. In all likelihood, they probably didn't say those things or mean it in that way; it was probably the same meanspirited mind of mine at that time that interpreted it that way.
I am sorry, and seek your forgiveness.
No. You're not a bitch either, if that is what you're thinking.
You are, though, one of the most misunderstood people I know. You are one of the sweetest people I know, willing to do a lot for friends as I have seen you do before at IUB and here. At the same time, you have this hard exterior which makes you as approachable as the Great Firewall Of China, to those who do not know you well. In other words, you are very much like creme brulee: hard outside and soft inside. That is a description which people who do know you somewhat, from back in Germany (our host mothers), would probably agree.
I know, it sounds like flattery. But flattery implies trying to flatter in order to gain something in return: I'm not expecting to gain anything at all.
I'm sorry I told you all the things I told you tonight. As you said, you were already feeling down and out. For me to say all those things just added to your misery, and made you clam up. It was cruel of me. It was petty. It was also completely wrong.
I said all those unspeakable things, for which you probably will not give me a second-chance to remedy and to make up.
I blame myself, my idiocy, the moment of madness that made me say those things because it seemed like the right thing to do at that time.
I blame myself for passing judgement on you, and thus spoiling an evening which I had originally intended as an evening for you to enjoy yourself, to relax, to forget.
When you finally read this, I don't know if you will ever forgive me, or if you are now too scarred. If, like last week, you decide not to communicate with me, I understand.
I can only hope that you will forgive me some day, and allow me to make up for it somehow. And also that you can forgive my friends, who, in all likelihood, told me those things they said in order to help me let go of you last week. Friends say things to friends which are meant to console, which means there is always a particular slant and bias. In all likelihood, they probably didn't say those things or mean it in that way; it was probably the same meanspirited mind of mine at that time that interpreted it that way.
I am sorry, and seek your forgiveness.
posted by keninabu at 10:40 AM
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