It's getting trying

After these few days of not getting any response from you in reply to my email, it is a little hard to take sometimes.

There are so many things that i want to tell you, but which you no longer want to hear.

I don't blame you. Afterall, you have already made a decision, and you are sticking to it as you invariably do: I could see it in your eyes when you bravely told me the decision to be single, that it was set. That it was permanent.

Right then, I had reacted badly. Instead of taking things like a man, instead of appreciating your candour and your forthrightness, I had blurted things which I now regret intensely. I clung on tighter, which repulsed you even more. I clung on so tightly that like a full grown man holding tightly to a slightly-built woman, I hurt you.

And I became even more selfish. In a way, I became a monster.

Now your hurt is over, and things have changed. Or have they? I cannot help wondering half the time, is there no sentiment left, on your part, or has time and work already succeeded in obliterating all your emotions that you used to have for me?

That night when you said to me things while you were intoxicated, on the phone, which the very next day you denied saying any of that, I can't help wondering if it is true that "in vino veritas", and maybe you were telling me some truths? Or perhaps it was true right then, and no longer true now.

I, for one, am keeping to my word. I will no longer do what I did in the past, i.e. to break my word to you. Now that you have made it clear that you consider me to be a pest and an annoyance interfering with your work, I won't disturb you anymore.

And even though now we are on the same island, in the same time zone, I will try and consider of you as being non-existent, even though, seriously, I miss having you around me, just as a buddy.

I love you. Not as any category, as in any relationship or anything, but I just want you to be happy, with or without me.